We are not even through the first month of 2021 and all I have to say about it is, what a fucking rollercoaster. I’ve started this blog post and then erased it and restarted it so many times but I can’t seem to properly articulate the rollercoaster of emotions. I supposed first and foremost, the most important thing for me is that Peanut is happy and healthy. She is thriving running around like a little crazy lady with wild curly hair. For this, I am grateful.
Now, since I do not want to go back through the emotional rollercoaster of it all, I will just give a list of events: grandfather in the hospital, family dismay, reached out to my sister who wouldn’t even hear me out on the help I requested, work has been busy but good, Capitol riots and insurrection, President Biden and Vice President Harris Inauguration, grandfather in ICU, Viola my kitty niece dies, grandfather dies, pandemic still going on, best friend’s mom’s birthday (mom who passed away – see previous post), insane storm that is both cool and scary, and there’s still five days left in January.
I am exhausted. The worst part of it all is the ripple effect – the pain the negative events have caused those close to me. I am tired and I feel helpless. I wish I could rationalize or take away their negative emotions. The pain, the sadness. I would take it for them. no question. When it comes to high-functioning through depression and anxiety, I’m the mayor of that town.
Let’s talk insurrection. If you didn’t see this coming then you need to ask yourself why you are so blind. What is it that made you so shocked or made you think this would neve happen? What false sense of safety, delusion of control did you have?
Funny thing is, I wasn’t even angry or shocked this happened. Trump had been outwardly soliciting it for months. What I found so disturbing was the shock from others watching. The dramatics of it all, the tears and horror. I knew what was going to happen, and as I watched it, sipping on my redbull, I had one thought, “yup.” And the most disgusting part? The lack of police presence. The fact that people protesting kids in cages get arrested, BLM protests get gassed at the mere sight of them sitting in front of the White House blocking a trump photo-op.
Make no mistake: if the people on January 6 had been black and brown, they would be dead.
And if you do not agree with me, then you are part of the problem. Period. There are some things we can agree to disagree. But this blatant display of the racism in America, a blind person can see it.
I was pleasantly surprised the inauguration went without incident, and proud of my girl Jennifer Lopez for not backing out of performing (as I understand some people backed out of attendance due to fear). I am also happy Lady Gaga was there, but JLo is of note because of the Latin presence that is often silently ignored or forgotten. I was especially moved by her moment of pledge of allegiance in Spanish, and her “lets get loud” moment. What some people do not know that besides the name of her song, it is her call-to-action to bring awareness to issues such as the poor response to the hurricane in Puerto Rico, and the inhumane state of kids in cages.
As excited as I was for President Biden to be inaugurated, the main event for me was Vice President Kamala Harris. I wore my “We Just Did 46” blue hat, and my Inauguration of Kamala Harris t-shirt, along with some Converse Chucks in her honor. She is a Californian, female, lady of the law, funny and kind, brown mixed race, all-around badass extraordinaire. She embodies so much of what is important to me, so much of what I identify with, so much of what I never thought I would see on that stage. Especially with the deep backslide our country took in trumps America. I know I am not the only one that was in tears watching this inauguration.
Lets lighten the mood: Charles was feeling his plus-size model fantasy yesterday!