choose to see the beauty.

I’m not a stupid person. I’m not naive. I know the state of things. I know the ugliest parts and I’ve been to hell and back. The world is in disarray and there is so much ugliness. And fucking covid… But still…. I choose to see the beauty in the world.

I know, I KNOW, this probably sounds like the rantings of a delusional single parent. And maybe that’s what I am — Someone desperately grasping at the idea that there’s hope — that things will get better. Maybe that’s just what I need to tell myself for the sake of raising Peanut.

Hope is an interesting concept. When I was younger and people would use the word hope, I would always respond with, “hope is the root of heartache.” From an early age I had hoped for too many things — Simple little things I saw the rest of the world take for granted. And with each hope came the inevitable heartbreak. And with each heartbreak you would think there would be inevitable hate in my heart. But with each heartbreak, I held on tighter to hope.

There is this great song by BT called “the only constant is change,” where he says, “Still a hopelessly hopeful wounded child seeking wonderful.” It was like he was describing me (and a lot of others, I’m sure). Humor me and listen to it, Reader. It’s one of the few songs I can feel.

I have no idea what the future holds. Good, bad, ugly. But… I choose to see the beauty.

Peanut’s Playground: Peanut is a whole one year old in just a matter of days! And I have the most amazing friends in the world who even in covid days are sending gifts and love to Peanut! Thank you <3

What a wild beautiful scary crazy adventure this has been so far and it’s only been one year. And as I was saying earlier, yes I know the world is ugly and scary right now… but look at this amazing beautiful tiny human I made! You cannot expect me to look at her and not help but hope and love and be happy.

What I’m watching: Trolls World Tour!! Yup. Every single day. Peanut is OBSESSED. But you know what, reader? It’s hella entertaining so I’m not even mad at it. I will take cheesy Anna Kendrick mashups sung by glittery trolls any day over the crappy alternatives such as baby shark lol.

Tech specs: HBO Max and Roku have failed to come to an agreement, so all those people that signed up for HBO Max but only use Rokus and didn’t realize it — are shit out of luck. HBO has also failed to come to an agreement with the Amazon Firestick.

Come on HBO, if you are going to launch a proprietary streaming service that requires some sort of platform for functioning, maybe make all the proper agreements to maximize positive results before launching. Just saying.