life, lifestyle

SM… not to be confused with S&M…

I know I haven’t been blogging lately. Been leaving y’all hanging. If there is even a y’all out there that follow my blog… and please know my silence is not complicity. I am aware it is not the time to be silent (as I made it clear in my last post), but let me explain…

When I was a lot younger I suffered from situational mutism (also known as selective mutism), which still rears its ugly head on the rare occasion. Truth be told, I thought it was completely gone until I started going to therapy again and my new therapist clocked it in real time. It just so happened that we hit a time and topic (postpartum struggles) that made me completely shut down. I froze like a computer that needed to be rebooted. Because, of course, along with my selective mutism, I suffer from petit mal seizures; very mild short seizures that present in a very silent absence of mental presence; They are colloquially called “silent seizures.” And the two conditions often partner up in my case. Truthfully, I was born with anxiety and seizures – I know this because of the stories I have heard from various family members: no one wanted to babysit me in case I had one of the “scary episodes.” Thankfully, they are very under control thanks to my brilliant and wonderful doctor. But this is why I have an affinity for text and email correspondence. Written is far more manageable than verbal Communication.

This is all to say that, I haven’t said much because I haven’t had much to say. There are so many people talking at each other. Talking at me. Not interested in listening, just talking. Screaming really. And it is hard to see through the fog or hear through the static. In my head it becomes this tornado of tensions and cringeworthy noise that gives me a headache and leaves me speechless. Literally.

And I suppose I could come here and unload my emotions in a flurry of verbal diarrhea, but as I have said in previous posts, I do not want to invite you to my blog to endure the negativity that the world is already drowning us in. I want you to come to my blog and maybe learn something. Maybe laugh at something. Maybe smile at something. Just escape for a few minutes… so the rest of this post will be me taking you on my escape…

One thought on “SM… not to be confused with S&M…

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