Yet, through the years I have lost friends because of my sexual orientation. Causing yet another seed of doubt to be permanently planted in my brain that I must keep a firm distance between me and the friends I care about, and I must brace myself for impact – for the inevitable blindside of their abandonment. Basically, social distancing was my thing even before it was made a requirement (really bad joke).
Now, why is this all even a topic of conversation? Well, in the past 24 hours I recently learned that two friends from college stopped being my friends simply because of my sexual orientation, two because being my friend was “too hard” and I am “too difficult,” and I have been accused of being in love with a close friend of mine. And all of this has put me in that headspace of panic, confusion, insecurity, and shame (and, I’m not gonna lie, wanting to push the world away).